Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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