don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
how drunk are you?
Several
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize