We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
