Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
