wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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