Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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