I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
