man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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