He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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