His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
is that a dick in a sweater?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
