I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
