put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
