Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
