Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
