I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
