So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
