One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
