dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
