I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
