i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
