She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
