you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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