Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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