i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
