Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
worst night to have a conscience
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize