Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
