Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
