There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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