i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
