where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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