Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
me + whiskey = a bad person
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
