around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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