I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
