Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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