areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Shame - the story of my life.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
