you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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