Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
