Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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