i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
