Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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