i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
