i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
