Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
