so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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