People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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