its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize