The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
