question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
