I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
