Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
