Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
