the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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