Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
