News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize