the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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