we're blogging at a bar
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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