A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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