I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
