don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
