Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
