I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
