I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
