I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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