WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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