Just fell off a train. Bad.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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