I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
