You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
