Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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