I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
